Anonymous asked: Darling, why are you on hiatus? I miss your daily posts that make me smile 'cos you think like me! So sad :(

I’m sorry anon =( I really needed that break. And when I do come back, as I said, probably in March, I’ll have to take things differently around here in tumblr. 

I’ll take your message to explain one thing about my hiatus & my situation with tumblr, maybe my experience helps someone out.

It starts out like a diversion, like a way to take out the stress of the day in some time of blogging, meeting people and reblogging stuff of the fandoms I belong to. I started out posting random things I liked, then I get my friend Aya to join, and I started out making macros for her to laugh together. I tagged, and eventually, started getting followers for it. I posted stuff from other things I liked and started gaining more people than I’ve expected to ever have as followers.

And then, when you less expect it, you transcend the limits of your own followers. The bigger amount of followers also brings a bigger amount of people who doesn’t follow you getting your stuff in their dash. And you will be judged. Just like out there, in the world of the living, in the world that tumblr people is happy and proud not to belong to, you’ll be judged just as much, but in other ways and because of other reasons.

I started putting myself limits and responsibilities: make a macro for X’s birthday or Y’s anniversary, make graphics for W’s thing, check everything in word reference before posting because even if I’m not an English speaking person, I’ll be judged like so; check everything in google because my fandoms don’t usually forgive mistakes and I’ve learned (the hard way) not to use certain words in any kind of post because I might offend people, even if it wasn’t my intention in any way.

Added to that all the obligatory things one isn’t prepared for, the anon hate, the harsh comments, the deleted comments, the reposts, the people who argue with you because they think that what you post isn’t ok in some way and they have the need to say it, not just unfollow.

And it brings you down. It doesn’t feel completely bad, because there are good things in between, but it’s like when you get sunburns on a windy day because the wind prevented you to realize how strong the sun was striking.

And then, you have two stressful lives: the one you live, and the one that used to be your diversion, that now turned into some kind of pseudo responsibility. Not to mention that you start feeling that you’re not comfortable in your own fandom anymore.

So I needed a breath of fresh air. And I needed to go. To realize this is too much sometimes, and I’m taking more than I can do. There’s my life first and then there’s this and I needed to see it with perspective, out of the whirlpool that it turned into.

Now it seems all easy to see for me, because I stepped out and saw what I was doing and that I need to take things in a very different way. But when you’re stuck in the middle of it all, you don’t understand what’s wrong.

It has a lot to do with my personality, my mind and my life as well, but that was my situation with tumblr in the last time. I don’t know if you’ll understand, because I didn’t when I was an outsider and I saw some blogs I loved closing and people leaving the internet because of some online problems. I thought they were exaggerating, but then it was my turn and I understood.